Notebook 040

Welcome generation Inverted Darwinism, the class of 'Post-Millennia'. Before the party begins I'd like to take some time to make a few announcements.

Last years graduates, as many of you know, did a fantastic job on inventing the computer. The Internet was officially crowned the world's largest distribution of pornography responsible for raised expectations from men conditioned to desire airbrushed genitalia and silicone implants. Sorry ladies, you're natural form just isn't good enough anymore.

Also I'm sure you've noticed a trend of virtual socialising in the simple form of increased video game sales, so your son now doesn't need to walk down the street to call for his mate to play soldiers, he can now stay in the comfort of your sofa and his obese body frame and be a more realistic soldier, with a real gun, real blood and real media conditioning so that he's completely numb to obscene violence. You might as well put him in a string vest, stained y-fronts and a can of wife-beater in hand now.
Your teenage daughter though is okay, according to reports. The trade of a real social life for a Myspace and Msn account won't damage her health. Granted it may cripple any form of humane interaction that lengthens above two syllables and acronyms, and emotional involvement will never be committed to anything above aesthetics but please, she's got great tits and all the paedophiles give her all the attention she needs to make her feel good. Just click on her profile and you'll see your naked daughter and the millions of friends she has. Yes. That number there just under her cut and copied 'about me'.

Samaritanism and charity took an all-time pounding this semester as religion revealed itself as the original form of politics. Please, keep donating your money because 0.5% will go somewhere near a third world country in the form of freeze dried food, without instructions to add water first. Oh John Doe, you really did think that their large stomachs and fly-riddled eyes were because they were bloated from lack of food as their stomachs eat themselves? You really should have paid more attention in 'business monopoly' classes. But yes, I can't stress how much better donating makes you feel about driving the ten-minute stretch to drop the kids off via the Landrover in an hour-long traffic queue that actually smells of pollution. They even give you a little plastic wristband to add to an armful and prove to wandering eyes that you are a 'good person'. Please Jane though, don't mistake them looking at your wristbands for looking at your tits because it's too late and the wrong kind of rubber for putting that underage sex consequence back inside you. You should've gone to the nurse at break time and had a full-scale abortion between geography and math class but don't worry, I'm sure the government benefits will feed your child and your loose morals.
Now I must signal the ex-criminal riot police and the bouncers that confiscate, up the profit margin, and distribute drugs that the party is about to begin. Enjoy this year's party themed 'apocalypse' as you are the last few years of human kind finally realising that we've fucked up this globe beyond repair. And no, Mother Nature won't take a fresh set of triple-A's. So please, please, please children, get as intoxicated as your body can handle on drink and drugs, and then have another round. Loose all your morals and sleep with your best friends girlfriend and then her mother. Dance and dress like a blind epileptic spaceman, fight and kill and drive home recklessly because god forbid you wake from this apocalyptic party and the o-zone roof is still holding out. God forbid that you actually have another few thousand years and the rest of your life will be a hangover from your youth...

Alternatively, just open your fucking eyes and get some responsibility.