Notebook 010

Dear Miss. Carráge
Journal Entry: Tue Aug 15, 2006, 11:45 PM

Two hours soaked in rich protein endevours.
Wrinkled skin and tiny clipped feathers.
Smeared in containment, no lust for the lies,
red stained from the waist-down,
screaming echoes inside.

I can feel it reverberate, slowly and swift.
Smothered time waste paints leg wide,
A fetus. A gift.

What vessel is this to set sail and then drown it's crew?
Such empty barracks that sit still and solid,
waiting for the dust to build and build.

These ribbons flowing free from my insides,
whisper gentily against water and ceramic,
like a hush in a snowstorm.
I am argent. I am pale.
I am clotted. I am stale.
Watch the clothing return to the bags and become unwanted gifts.
I can see your sympathy.
I can see your empathy.
But it's all too late for the water has broken and painted my legs.
I'm not stupid enough for questions,
and too shallow for answers.
Bait bitten and red-ringed the finger has been pricked.
These windows are broken and the sill's paint has smeared.
Stained brick wall.
These five walls make my coffin,
white glossy and full to the brim with death.
I hope the plugs and drains can stomach this pass
because even the strongest metal was not meant to touch such spoils.

Unwrapped for the feeder,
fingers and knifes confirm the wide-eyed audience.
You knew it would be so.
You secretly wished it.
But dreams don't come true in this dark tiled room,
they just implode and splatter.
Become the winner and fuck up thrice-fold.
Tickets at the ready please folks,
the freak show is open.

I don't know what you want from knowing all this.
No, I won't ever get over it.
Please place your flowers and mourn with the rest,
for such lachrymal clouds are for quitting and forgetting.
And i'm still holding out.

Despite what you wanted,
and against what you hoped; I will not forget.

I will not forget.
I will not forget.

I will not forget.