Notebook 029

Realisation That All Is Not Okay, And Never Will Be
Journal Entry: Fri Jan 27, 2006, 12:15 AM

hey yardy yardys.

Who the fuck am i talking to? Its not like any of you fuckers read this. First off FM.CS is holding auditions for new members, all ya gotta recite is the password, but seein as only one person apart from me knows it, thats gonna be quite impossible. Next!

I have come to realise that the only way i can ever be truely happy is to live in my dreams and imagination. Yet even so i'd miss out on physical feelings, but then again if my dreams were all i knew, i'd think that the feelings (as in sensual) would be the real thing, anyhow thats for another day. The reason that this is the only place is because everything would also be perfect because in ya dreams ya never imagine details that make things imperfect. like bad breath, or scratches. And beauty, love, age and something else i've forgotten dont last forever, but imaginations and dreams can. (if you're immortal, read up on greek mythology you punk and dont quiz me.)

The only problem im having with this right now is that each time i esacpe to this place the pain of the world that i have to return to, feels that much more vivid and scarring.

Thats John Keats for ya. Messes with me head. I wannabe a home-grown philosopher.

New philosphic twist on quote:

"The grass is always greener on the other side, yet laced with guilt. If you escape the past cirlcles will be your future and memory will be a void."

i wonder if you were able to forget your past like that *clicks* you'd still be the same person?!

......and with that i leave you children.